
Setting boundaries with children is an important part of parenting because it helps them learn how to interact with others and establishes a foundation for respecting authority. Boundaries help children understand what is expected of them and provide a sense of security and structure. By setting clear expectations, children learn how to make appropriate decisions and how to take responsibility for their choices. Establishing boundaries also helps children develop self-discipline, self-control, and problem-solving skills. Additionally, setting boundaries helps children understand that they are not the center of the universe and that their needs are not always the priority. When children know where the lines are drawn, they can feel safe, secure, and loved.
Why it is Important to Set Limits with Young Children
In both the time I have spent being a parent and also a parent educator, I have learned the necessity of setting limits. Boundaries are essential to help little ones learn and grow in a safe and nurturing environment. Let’s face it, young children are boundary pushers. But it’s not for the reason you might think. They push boundaries to reinforce the limits. In this way, it’s a test but also a reassurance to them that the world is as it should be and all is right.
One area children LOVE to push boundaries is around bedtime. Raise your hand along with me if you’ve experienced the joy of toddler bedtime stall tactics. Some of my favorites are (in no particular order):
- Look what I can do, look again!
- Recounting in great detail every single second of their day
- I can’t find my (insert obscure item here)
- My socks don’t feel right (my youngest’s personal favorite)
- I need to go potty
- I’m sooooo thirsty (time to fill up the camel hump)
- I need to go potty again (they did just drink all that water after all)
- You didn’t tuck me in right (and repeat 25 times)
- One more story
Once they are finally down for the night, you’re tired, frustrated and oftentimes feel defeated. You are not alone. At one point or another, all parents deal with bedtime stalling. Even myself! So what can you do to help minimize the stall? Read on to get my tips to help keep bedtime moving along.
Tips for Managing a Better Bedtime Stopping Stall tactics and a Fulfilling Need for Control
- Give your little one a 10-minute warning that bedtime will begin soon. This gives your kiddo a perfect opportunity to prepare for the transition. They can work on cleaning up and moving the lego project they have been working on to a safe and secure place. And an additional tip is to set a fun audible timer on your phone to alert them when the 10-minutes is up.
- At the beginning of the bedtime, go over the routine that you have established. This makes sure everyone is on the same page and since you have it hanging on the wall in your child’s room, if they try to go off task, you can guide them back to it and redirect them to see what’s next. Don’t have one, here’s a link to a past post and I’ve provided an example below.

- Give them choices! Toddlers are little control freaks. They want to make the decisions for everything themselves. Unfortunately, they are not quite ready to take on that responsibility. Offering them choices throughout the routine can help them in feeling like they have some control as well. The choices should include no more than two choices and can encompass selecting pajamas to wear, what stories to read or what stuffed animal to sleep with.
- Limit screen time in the evening and put away all electronics for a minimum of 1 hour before lights out. Tablets, phones and TV’s emit blue light and blue light is a brain stimulant and can suppress melatonin production in children, per findings by the National Institute of Health . Exposure too close to bedtime can make relaxing into sleep more difficult. That goes for you too mommy and daddy! Read more about my thoughts on blue light.
Once the kiddos are in bed you can now have your down time, relax and continue Binge watching your favorite series on Netflix.
Other Ways to Respectfully Maintain Boundaries With Toddlers
Maintaining respectful boundaries with toddlers can be challenging, but it is an important part of helping them learn to respect boundaries in the long run. Here are a few tips that may help:
- Establish clear rules. Make sure your toddler knows what behaviors are expected of them and what the consequences are if they do not follow them.
- Use positive reinforcement. Whenever your toddler follows the rules, make sure to give them praise and reward them in some way.
- Set boundaries and stick to them. Let your toddler know that certain behaviors or activities are not acceptable. Tell your child no, and redirect them to something they can do instead.
- Be patient and understanding. Show your toddler that you are open to listening to their perspective and help them understand why following the rules is important.
- Be empathetic and compassionate when holding firm to boundaries. Kindness and love can go a long way when a child is not happy about being told no or that they cannot do something.
- An example of this is, “I see you are upset. You are mad that Mommy said you can’t have a cookie right now. Dinner will be soon, and if you eat a good dinner, you can have a cookie for dessert. It’s ok to be upset and I am here if you would like a hug.”
- Model appropriate behavior. Make sure that you are following the same rules that you expect your toddler to follow.
It is normal and natural for parents to be pushed to their limits by tenacious toddlers and preschoolers. These early years are exhausting and exciting. And inevitably there will be good days and bad days as you navigate boundaries and setting limits. Try to remember that this too shall pass and if you put the time in now to be consistent and hold firm boundaries, you are setting your children up for success and emotionally being able to handle the world around them.
Is your bedtime and overnight just not where you want them to be? If you feel like your little one is holding you hostage at bedtime and throughout the night, I can help. Let’s hop on a call together and discuss your goals for your child’s sleep.
Hi, I’m Jenn. Mom, Sleep Boss, and Finder of Lost Loveys. I have more than 10 years of experience in guiding families from sleep deprived to sleep-revived. I help exhausted families around the globe find the right sleep solutions for their children through one-on-one coaching. Read more about me and my philosophy.